I am ashamed to call myself a Journalist
by John Darvall
On Saturday 31st October, at 1.30am, my 22-year-old eldest daughter Polly was killed when she lost control of the car she was driving and hit a tree. She was alone in her VW Beetle, no one else was hurt and, I am told, it was instant.
I can tell you that having lost my father as a child, other close family members along the timeline of life and having said many times ‘on air’ that losing a child must be the worst thing of all, it is. It really is. It’s not a grief ‘competition’ it just is. Losing a child is the worst thing of all.
Polly’s mother Sarah and her dad Simon, who brought Polly up from the age of 3 and did such a brilliant job, are broken by this, as are all our families. My eldest son, Polly’s brother Oliver, is broken too but one of the few comforts I am taking at the moment is what a fine, brave, courageous man he has become. Again his mother Sarah and dad Simon deserve all the credit.
It is Simon, Polly’s dad, who has prompted me to write this blog. I am Polly and Oliver’s father, Simon is their dad. That is always the language we use, though Ollie and Polly always call me dad when we are together. Language is vital if we are to understand who we are and what we do.
The news of my daughter’s death, because of the nature of the work I used to do (I know I will never be the same again) and who I am engaged to means that there is some media interest in me with the local and national newspapers and TV. Those who know me well will know that I never, ever wanted to be the story, just to tell or share the story, as a journalist, correctly. I have never wanted to be on TV, I don’t want to be known, perhaps just be known of, to do my job well and to help people if I can and to get to the truth for others.
As all the family came together on Monday morning to start the process of making arrangements for Polly, I was contacted by the BBC for a quote about her. There has been quite a reaction to the news, because of me, with many kind words paid in tribute to my daughter and kindness shown towards me from those who listen and maybe even enjoy what I do daily on the radio. I gave the BBC ‘the line’, agreeing it while on the ‘phone to them with Polly’s mother Sarah and Polly’s dad Simon hearing me do this. I wanted the quote, the tribute to come from Sarah, Polly’s mum, who did such a brilliant job in bringing our daughter up with Simon. The name order was also agreed to be ‘Sarah, her husband Simon Bosworth and John Darvall’. I was clear.
On Monday night, on Points West the local BBC News opt for the West, none of this happened in their broadcast about Polly. Simon was called Polly’s ‘stepdad’, a phrase we have NEVER used. Simon, Polly’s dad was straight on the phone to me. He was rightly furious and more. This journalistic failure significantly added to his pain, and to mine. To hear Polly’s dad rage at you about your profession, about the things you have clearly agreed whilst standing in his family home just hours before when our daughter has been killed…words fail me. This poor piece of journalism made Tuesday probably the worst day of this whole episode so far. This includes seeing our dead daughter in a hospital mortuary just 12 hours after she was killed.
Newspapers have contacted me and provided appallingly written articles, which I have had to change, ‘polish’ or make actual sense of. Other papers have published articles using my personal relationship as ‘the in line’, when this is NOT the story but, at best, just a very small part of the story. This has hurt many who are in the throes of grief. Other papers have just published without checking and have got facts wrong. See earlier blogs. One paper spliced a year off my age. I will take that!
The way we all consume news is changing. The way we share news has changed and will continue to change at a faster pace. This week TV and newspapers have proven to me why they are not the future of news. If they can’t even get their facts right, be trusted with clear information and then report it accurately is it any wonder that we are all turning to Facebook, Twitter and other internet sources for our news and information? The internet allows us to come to our own conclusions by checking our own facts. We really can’t trust the traditional outlets to do it right or properly.
I write this as a father who has lost a daughter. I write this as a journalist who loved his work but can now clearly see why so many have lost faith in his profession and traditional media. They, we and I have brought this on ourselves.
I also write this to set the record straight for Polly’s mother Sarah and Polly’s dad Simon. I am ashamed to call myself a journalist and I am truly sorry to have added to your grief. I have spoken to Simon and he knows I have written this.
Two bits of advice for you reading this, if I may:
Trust nothing you read or watch. Check it, at least twice, as it’s more than likely wrong from just a single source.
Love your children and loved ones. Properly love them. Tell them every day, make sure they know that you love them regardless of what might be happening. Nothing is more important than that.
Reblogged this on msamba.
LikeLike
I am sorry for your loss, but we are the more wise for it.
LikeLike
Thank you for your kind words.
LikeLike
[…] un article émouvant sur son blog, le présentateur de BBC Bristol, John Darvall dénonce le fait qu’il est au vu et au su de […]
LikeLike
[…] daughter in a hospital mortuary just 12 hours after she was killed,’ Darvall wrote in a moving blog […]
LikeLike
[…] A BBC journalist, John Darvall, has lambasted his own career at the BBC. The insensitive way the tragic death of his daughter, Polly, has been handled by several outlets led him to lay bare his thoughts about the BBC and the British media industry as a whole, in a heartfelt blog post. […]
LikeLike
You brave man, in the face of your grief to do this. I salute you, the world is starting to see John a
nd thanks to you, thousands more will open their eyes.
LikeLike
I’m very sorry for the sad loss of your daughter Polly, condolences to all who loved her. Truth has been lost, and newspapers are trash these days. No attention to detail. I stopped reading newspapers after a reporter came to my home and interviewed me about a government policy. When I read the story I was horrified, my name but not my words the story was made larger than it was and was “fact free”. Full of lies. I never look at newspapers now as I don’t like reading rubbish.
LikeLike
Welcome to the party, pal!!!
LikeLike
I have only just seen this article. I was doing some web research for a friend you are interviewing this week. I was quite affected by your poignant words spoken with such altruism and authenticity. As a counsellor I have been privy to grief and loss frequently, however nothing surpasses the loss of one’s child; it is simply not the order of things.
Your piece was clear, sensitive and powerful and I completely get your stance. Whilst you will never forget, I hope that you and your family are finding the strength to move forward as Polly would surely wish.
LikeLike
Thank you for your kind words. 6 months on and, honestly, every day is a painful struggle to get through. Who knows when it will, might end. Regards, John
LikeLike
[…] A BBC journalist, John Darvall, has lambasted his own career at the BBC. The insensitive way the tragic death of his daughter, Polly, has been handled by several outlets led him to lay bare his thoughts about the BBC and the British media industry as a whole, in a heartfelt blog post. […]
LikeLike
First off I would like to say excellent blog! I had a quick question that I’d
like to ask if you don’t mind. I was curious to find out how you center yourself and clear your thoughts prior to writing.
I have had difficulty clearing my thoughts in getting my thoughts
out there. I truly do take pleasure in writing however it just seems like the first 10 to 15 minutes are wasted just trying
to figure out how to begin. Any recommendations or hints?
Thank you!
LikeLike
Sorry I have taken so long to reply to you. In essence I needed to write it and that is how I centred myself. When it matters you will and if your writing about things that matter to you it will come.
Best wishes,
John
LikeLike
[…] “trust nothing you read or watch” Reporter Spills the Beans and Admits All the News is Fake! I am ashamed to call myself a Journalist De kollektiva energierna just […]
LikeLike
[…] A BBC journalist, John Darvall, has lambasted his own career at the BBC. The insensitive way the tragic death of his daughter, Polly, has been handled by several outlets led him to lay bare his thoughts about the BBC and the British media industry as a whole, in a heartfelt blog post. […]
LikeLike
As a parent I’m devastated for your loss – I think there’s little anyone can say.
On the wider issue of journalism, it’s perturbing to think how many news reports will have dramatically impacted other families in negative ways over the decades, where the parents have no outlet to bring the mistakes to light.
I cannot see traditional media changing the way it operates in the slightest of ways. Most journalists sold their souls a long time ago.
LikeLike
Thank you for your kind words.
LikeLike
For some reason, the reports of your loss and your blog have popped up on Fb today. I’m so sorry for the loss Polly’s family has suffered. And so grateful for your blog and the powerful example of why words matter.
LikeLike
Thank you for your kind words.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I just wanted to say that you seem to be taking a lot of responsibility for what happened with the media because there was already media interest in you and sadly my experience tells me that is just not true. I like to think that there is balance of good and bad in all professions that reflects the one more generally in life but again sadly I think the process of becoming a ‘successful’ journalist means that eventually there are a disproportionate number of morally corrupt people involved in journalism. My point being that we desperately need the good ones to stay involved! I am so very sorry for your loss. I lost my sister some years ago. Her only crime that she was a pregnant teacher that collapsed in a pub on New Years Eve. The baby was delivered by cesarean and only lived a few moments and my sister died days later. Her husband desperate and grief stricken having just lost everything was approached at the hospital by the press for details. My brother was with him and when they were reluctant to engage they were told that unless they released details of what had happened the press would run a story based on their best guess (and the most sensational one they could come up with) that she a young pregnant teacher had died of a drug overdose. She actually died from an arterial rupture – probably a weakness she was born with just waiting to happen. I feel angry about feeling that even now I have to explain that. Always now blame before compassion – got to get in there with the truth before any suspicion can really take hold. So hours after my sisters death her husband was blackmailed into giving them a story. Despicable but apparently quite standard. Its the preying on the grief stricken that is so hard to understand and the thoughtlessness, the total lack of compassion. I hope that you are able to put that feeling of responsibility down and are able to move to a place where you can remember and miss your daughter without the associated distress of how she died and how it was dealt with in the press. My parents, my brother in law, my brother and I will never be the same but we have all come to a place now where we just miss her and however sad that is it is bearable and life is good again just as she would have wanted.
LikeLike
The same thing happened to us by The Belfast Telegraph when our 5 year old granddaughter died very suddenly and unexpectedly. My daughter and son-in-law donated her organs, which was so brave and has actually helped us since. The Telegraph reported it, very badly, in spite of being asked not to adding to our terrible grief. My thoughts are with you. There is nothing worse than losing a child. Our family are 16 months into this unwanted journey and are still broken.
LikeLike
Thank you and go well.
LikeLike
It feels very strange to read these words. It’s been months since they were written, but they have a powerful immediacy and universality.
Kurt Vonnegut once described his work as opening the window and making love to the world: Even if he never knew how powerfully his words touched countless thousands of people, they still did. In the same way, it’s obvious that you’ve helped others come to terms with their own feelings.
Thank you for this best of all human impulses – to not be struck down by grief or strike in anger, but to reach out to others with love. With kindness and understanding for those struggling under the weight of their own grief, and with reproach for those who you know can be better. (Sometimes it seems we live in a society that believes anything painful is necessarily inimical, but this is not and never has been true.)
I hope time has brought and will continue to bring solace.
Best regards,
David Reynolds
(Please pardon my using a Gravatar login, but WordPress requires permission to post in my name if I log in through Twitter. I must politely decline their request.)
LikeLike